With every new year, we have an opportunity to become better versions of ourselves. But everyone knows that it’s not easy and requires us to set aside some things weighing us down and holding us back. I’m not talking about jobs, people, or circumstances. I mean things that cause us to take two steps back for every step forward. Things we hate about ourselves that we try to hide and pretend don’t exist. Things that keep us up at night wishing we could change them.
Those things.
The first step in changing is identifying exactly what needs to be changed. Society tells us we need to become more self-aware. To learn thyself and become one with our feelings and emotions. To meditate on the type of person we want to become.
Sounds good, right?
Well, I don’t know about you, but I’ve spent many nights whirling down the rabbit hole of introspection and getting nowhere. And I dare say, most women deal with this on a regular basis (if not nightly), and even more so than men.
Bunny the dog, the internet's beloved sheepadoodle, has 8.5 million followers on TikTok because her owner is teaching her to communicate using soundboard buttons. Currently Bunny knows 100 words.One day, Bunny’s owner placed a mirror where Bunny could see herself. Bunny asked “who this” then walked over and looked in the mirror. Since then, Bunny has continued to ask who/what she is and why she is (“dog why dog?) and communicated darker things like regularly expressing she’s “sad big.” Internet reports circulated saying Bunny’s new sense of self-awareness led to her need for antidepressants, medication she’s asked for on various occasions (“do medicine”). However, other internet reports indicate she was on antidepressants before her apparent self-awareness. Regardless, the whole thing makes you wonder.
It’s widely known that depression is reported more in women than men. Yes, there are many factors that can contribute to this difference, but can we take a moment to ask ourselves whether preoccupation with self could be linked with depression. My guess is yes, and I’m sure I could find all kinds of boring statistics to back it up.
So what are we to do? How do we look into our proverbial mirror and increase our self-awareness without incurring depression when we see those things we don’t like or understand?
Before we get too far into the nuts and bolts of self-awareness, we need to understand where it came from. Self-awareness for mankind started in the Garden of Eden (see Genesis 2 and 3).
God created Adam and told him he could eat of any tree except the tree of knowledge of good and evil. Then, God created Eve. The Bible says Adam and Eve were both naked and not ashamed. Can you imagine? Reminds me of my goldendoodle Romeo. All he wants to do is spend time with me. He never worries about how he smells or looks or whether he’s naked.
A little later, the serpent arrived on scene. He asked Eve:
“Has God indeed said, ‘You shall not eat of every tree of the garden?’”
First of all, Eve hadn’t been created yet when God gave the commandment to Adam. So why did the serpent ask Eve and not Adam? And what were the ramifications of Eve being the driver behind the disobedience? (I’m sure there is something relevant here to be gleaned. I’ll leave it for you to unravel.)
Secondly, the serpent essentially asked Eve two things:
1) Did God really say this? (Are you sure?) To answer this question, Eve had to start thinking in a new way. Mankind’s doubt was conceived here.
2) Did God say every tree? The serpent made it sound like Adam and Eve were being deprived, thus shifting their focus to themselves and their needs.
Then the serpent told Eve that God didn’t want them to eat from the tree because their eyes would be opened, and they would become like God. Can you imagine what Eve’s follow-up question might have been? If I could become like God, then what does that mean I am now? The age-old question began right here: Who am I? What is man? Or in Bunny’s case: “what is Bunny.”
After Adam and Eve did come to eat from the forbidden tree:
And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves aprons. Genesis 3:7 NKJV
Essentially, Adam and Eve became self-aware and tried to cover up the inadequacies they saw in themselves. And it’s been downhill ever since.
There are two broad categories of self-awareness: Disclaimer: I am not a psychologist.
1. Internal self-awareness, which is how we see ourselves.
2. External self-awareness, which is how we perceive that other people see us.
It is widely assumed that introspection improves self-awareness. Basically, the more we look at ourselves, the more aware we become. Seems intuitive, right? However, when done incorrectly, introspection can be a trap. How so? I’m glad you asked.
The most common introspective question is “Why?” You fill in the blanks below:
• “Why do I always _________?”
• “Why do they always think I ________?”
If you’re like me, you could probably list hundreds of these types of why questions. However, this stream of thought can become a trap causing us to get lost in a why-me pity party.
A better question to start asking is what. For example, instead of “why am I the kind of person I am”, ask “what kind of person am I”. Annndddd… What’s the best place to learn what kind of person you were created to be? None other than your owner’s manual: The Bible. Our Creator provided us with a user’s guide for ourselves. He’s so smart.
The Bible says that we are to be become like Jesus (Rom 8:29). This means when we look inward, we need to focus on finding the character of Jesus and not of our own. Not the why, but the what. Also, keep in mind, we need to build both internal and external self-awareness. For Christians, this means not only looking for Christ in us (internal) but also Christ through us to the world (external). We should be an example to the world. People should see the character of Jesus in our speech, conduct, love, faith, and purity as well as our deeds.
For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10 NKJV
Friends, another year is upon us. We can’t just close our eyes and hope all the bad stuff goes away. It doesn’t work like that. If we try to hibernate and sleep it off, we’ll simply wake to the reality that the world is the same. Yes, the Lord’s promises to us are new every morning, but if we don’t accept the gift of them, then our outstretched hands remain empty. On January 1, 2024, you will awake to not only a new day, but also a new year. Why not also awake to a new you? Grab your mirror and start telling yourself who you were created to be. Then start being.
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